Dear Ex Lover
Note: I’m not easily inspired, excited, challenged or moved. So as a creative soul…as someone who is rarely impressed. I find joy in listening to Jasmine Mans beautiful voice. On a night where I needed to cry, her voice sent shivers down my spine. From that moment, I prayed and knew that God had finally healed my broken heart and gave me the courage to let go and move on.
Jasmine Mans….God bless you my girl.
This letter is heavily inspired by her piece, “Dear Ex Lover” you can check it out on Youtube.
I could have named all my exes as I started this poem, but none of them matter.
None of them mattered.
No one hurt me as much as you did.
And I’m pretty sure I didn’t love them like I loved you.
By the time you’ll read this it will be Valentine’s Day.
The time is 3:05, where you are it’s around two.
Well, not alone alone but I’m sitting by myself…in the dark, penning this letter to you.
This time last year, I was depressed.
Suicidal, am I allowed to keep it real with you?
Dear EX Lover, I’m writing this to you because I thank you.
No, seriously I’m not being sarcastic. I thank you for everything you ever done.
I thank you for the dates, the trips, the smiles, the laughs, the conversations.
The lessons learned, the tears I cried, the money spent, the weight I gained.
Hell, the weight I loss.
Dear EX lover, I thank you for building me up and then knocking me down.
You know, only you had that power.
That power to make me feel like I mattered and then turn around and destroy me.. Not with your words but your actions.
See, on the outside you were my perfect boyfriend.
But on the inside, dear EX lover…you know you wasn’t shit.
You didn’t deserve me.
Never deserved me.
And boy, what a difference a year could make.
Dear EX lover, this time last year…I had my mother on her knees praying for my happiness.
My peace that you had stole like a thief in the night.
No one will ever know how I felt or what you took me through.
It’s still some dark trifling secrets I’ll never tell.
You exposed me to your horrible truth and snatched my heart from my chest.
Controlling me with broken promises and far-fetched fantasies of how things could be and how you wish you could treat me.
Dear EX lover, I wish you came with a warning sign.
Nineteen years old when I met you.
I had no clue that you weren’t the one.
So foolish of me to believe everything you said.
Dear EX lover, this letter is not about you.
See nah, I could go on and on about how you hurt me, betrayed me, fucked bitches on me and didn’t come home some nights.
I could spend the early hours of the morning talking about what all you did wrong but I’m not boo.
Those days are over.
Me discussing the pain and trials and tribulations…not happening.
I could spend all of the little free time I have going back down memory lane but that would only be a waste of time because none of that shit matters anymore.
I wrote this letter to tell you that I’m thankful.
My heart is full of gratitude.
And not only do I thank you.
But he does too.
Yep, my lover.
He’s so thankful for you.
He wakes up in the morning and gives me this smile that I can’t describe with words.
But its as if he sees life in my eyes.
At night ,before bed.
He rolls over and pulls me into him.
And then he asks am I happy.
Because my happiness means something to him.
It’s like he cares.
He really fucking cares.
My feelings….they mean something to him.
My time, he respects it. He doesn’t waste my time.
When he wants to speak to me, he calls. He doesn’t text.
And when he does text, it’s not full of arguments and curse words.
It’s love in his voice.
When we’re wrapped up in lust and the sheets on thebed that we now share, he makes eye contact with me while he takes me to places you never were able too.
He gives me the reassurance that he’s where he want to be.
He’s such a giving person, phiysically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually. My well-being is before his
He holds me as if he never wants to let me go.
Sometimes I have to peel away and hold his hand until he falls asleep, but I love that.
Its evident that I’m who he wants and with him I don’t have to worry or question if this is where he wants to be.
When he leaves the house, I’m not bombarded with my own insecurities wondering where is he going and who will be with.
Guess I’m secure in this thing.
Something I never felt with you.
When I’m not made up, that’s when he tells me I’m beautiful.
And when my face is beat to the gawds, he has a spark in the eye that only I can see.
We don’t spend our moments together arguing about pointless shit.
He’s invested in my dreams.
He wants to know about my books, my plans and what I want to do with my life.
We looked at rings last night.
Yeah, EX lover…the boy said I’m his future wife.
It’s something about starting over that frightens me but we all know growth is uncomfortable.
Growth never feels good to anyone.
But he came in and made me feel as if change was good and what I needed.
He did that for me.
Dear EX lover I used to think you were the best thing that ever happened to me until I put my heart in the hands of a real man.
Dear EX lover, if you never cheated and never got caught. I’ll still be holding on to your broken promises.
I would have never felt love the way I do now.
I would have never made love the way we do now.
Every other morning and on most nights, he does things to my body that you never done.
It’s a sexual and mental connection that I can only talk about in my books.
It’s a creation…a craze…a bond being built that everyone can see around us.
There is a glow on my face that hasn’t left for a while now.
He does the little things without having to be asked.
Things I had to beg you to do…
Dear EX lover, tonight I thanked God for you.
You made me a better woman.
You gave me strength and courage that I never knew I needed.
You rebuilt my confidence just by deserting me.
When I saw what you thought was better then me, it took my ego to the sky.
I knew my worth but when you left me I added tax.
Boy, you are apart of my testimony.
This time last year means nothing to me when I’m waking up to a blessing every day.
Dear EX lover, you’ll never ever find another me.
Relationships are designed to teach us.
Take every situation you’re in and learn something from it.
Let the relationship be beneficial.
Allow him to love and learn you.
Lead him as he leads you.
Hold his hand and guard your heart, he should do the same.
Be honest, be transparent.
Don’t settle but learn how to successfully compromise.
I’m in a place that I literally have prayed for.
I knew I was worthy of love after my EX broke my heart.
I spent months in a place so deep and dark that only my mama was able to pray me out of it.
God gets the glory from that season of my life.
I don’t even wanna talk about it, don’t wanna write about it.
But what I will proudly say to the masses is that – broken hearts do mend.
I wake up with a smile so big on my face every single day and it’s more then my amazing boyfriend.
I’m inspired right now in a way…that’s breathtaking.
I’m challenged to become the best person I can be.
And most importantly, I’m free of dead weight.
I’m not associated with drama, bullshit, useless people. My energy is thriving.
My business is growing. Skin glowing. God is so GOOD!
I’m experiencing new waves of joy and every day I’m falling in love with me over and over again.
I’m shifting so fast that I sometimes have to stop and evaluate.
Today, whether you’re single or involved.
Take this day and think about YOU.
Think about where you are and where you can be.
Identify your worth – with or without someone.
Whether it’s your job, friends, a significant other.
What do you love about you?
What do you do for fun?
How are you growing within yourself?
How are you shifting?
It’s the second month of the year, are you on track with your goals?
Valentine’s Day is about love but let’s not forget to show ourselves some love.
I’m spending the morning with my lil sis, showing her that she can spend time with herself, love her self and spend that check on herself.
And then tonight, I’ll be catering to my man because he works hard and he deserves it.
Jasmine Mans inspired this poem.
My ex pushed the feeling behind my words.
And my boyfriend is the reason why this shit don’t sound bitter.
As I bring this stamp to a close, I want to say – as long as you’re focused on you, your money, your career.
Get YOU together.
Don’t worry about a spouse, a man, someone to spend your time with
Get your shit together.
The one for you is out there doing the same.
And to the ones that are in love.
Isn’t it beautiful?
Do you feel those butterflies?
You gotta feel them fluttering in the pit of your stomach.
Protect your love, cater your love, nourish your love and most importantly pray over that love.
I read something last night that said – this love is so real you can’t discuss it.
And that’s exactly how I feel.