Feeling the feels
I’ve recently experienced a breakup. It wasn’t like previous breakups, we had a mature conversation and realized that it wasn’t going to work. I asked that he not contact me and he told me he would respect my wishes. After that conversation he texted me the next day, saying how he missed me so much and just wanted to let me know that he’ll always love me and blah, blah, blah.
I know that I made the right decision to walk away from the relationship, but that doesn’t stop the pain. I was in my feelings, for real. Thinking about everything I sacrificed to make our relationship work. Being there for him whenever he needed me and constantly pouring into him. I knew my ex had some internal work to do (family issues, relationship with God) but I seriously made it my responsibility to tell him that everything was going to be okay. If you know me, you know that I love HARD. When I have a man, I’m the girl that goes above and beyond because I love him, the way I want to be loved. I think we all do that. We only give love the way we’ve been given love. So now that I’m freshly single, I’ve decided to give myself all the attention that I gave my ex.
That means I’m taking care of myself, encouraging myself, getting the help I need and reaching out to those who truly love me. Family has always been important to me, but when you love a man who’s not family oriented you start picking up some of their ways. This weekend I had deep and interesting conversations with my mother, grandma and other women I trust, who gave me very good advice about dating ad moving on. They poured into me like I’d been pouring into my ex and it felt so good to soak it all up. I felt so alive and magical.
Now, I’m not going to lie and say that I’m not missing my ex, but being around people who could see the situation for what it was has helped me deal with my new reality. It’s okay to be sad about a breakup, they are called breakups for a reason. Your heart connected with another person’s and now it’s splitting. It hurts. So if you have to cry, cry. If you have to scream, scream. Allow yourself to feel your feelings, but don’t get stuck in them. Realize that you are more than a conqueror through Jesus Christ (I’m a Christian, so I had to through that in there) and He has a plan for your life. If you know that God has a plan for your life, you’ll find comfort in knowing that something better is coming. Just thinking about my future husband makes me smile because I know God is going to show out! Lol.
But seriously, here are a few tips that will help you get over a breakup:
1. Don’t hold it in. It’s okay to be in your feelings. Take some time and have a good cry. Listen to those sad songs and sing as loud as you want.
2. Realize that you don’t have to go through it by yourself. Call those friends that you avoided when you were with bae. They still love you. Reach out to your family who told you, you didn’t need to be with him/her in the first place. They’ll celebrate you for making the right choice.
3. DO NOT TRY TO BE FRIENDS WITH YOUR EX RIGHT AFTER A BREAKUP. I know you love him/her and he gets you. I know he’s/shes the only one who understands you, but the distance is essential. Don’t set yourself up to be a friend when you know you want to be more. Cut him/her off and spend time with people who love you.
4. Laugh as much as possible. Watch comedies, scroll social media and share those things with your friends.
5. Remember that you are amazing. You are alive and there’s no one in the world like you.
6. Write your goals down and start tackling them. Now that you have free time, you can chase your dreams.
Your newly single sister,
Shauntell Monique Howard
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*If you’re in the Metro Atlanta area and would like to schedule a session with me call New Vision Counseling Center at 678-838-8333. I work at the Douglasville and Smyrna office.