No Limits Pt. 1
Am I allowed to run around from the daily? Jhene Aiko’s song resonates with me so much right now, only because life and its stressors have seriously had me contemplating taking my own life just last week….Too honest?
Disclaimer: It’s always my prayer that you get something out of this stamp and if you do, what a blessing and if you don’t…trust me I I feel ten times lighter than I did before I wrote it.
No Limits… about ten days ago I attended a retreat. A life-changing experience for me. In fact, it was my goal to write vicariously about the retreat as soon as I landed back in Atlanta…and then life happened. For me, it seems as if I always hit rock bottom (mentally) every time after I experience a burst of unexplainable joy and happiness.
Why is that?
At this current time, I do not know and for that very reason I will be returning to therapy next month. I need to seriously figure out how to control my thinking and my emotions. It makes no sense how easily one thing could ruin a perfect freaking day.
2018 must be my year.
It’s supposed to be my year, and guess what? It is MY year.
There are no limits on what I will do, what I can do and where I will go this year.
Did I feel this way last week? No.
The MTY Retreat changed my life and it was worth every single penny that I paid for about a year and a half in payment plans for the retreat.
I’m not one that’s easily impressed or awe’d so for me to say that the weekend was top-notch and it was everything I expected it not to be, says a lot.
I’m eager to apply again for next year, simply because of everything that I learned in a matter of ninety-six hours.
I will share my experiences along with the gems that I picked up in my next stamp, this one is more personal.
Last week, literally three days after returning from the retreat, I kept trying to bounce back to work.
I was thirsty to write, not only my next book, but a few blogs, work on my cookbook and the next self-help book that I’m penning but for some reason I didn’t pick up my laptop to write.
I was working for sure, emailing, handling business, paying bills and getting things together for my boyfriend’s birthday but nothing in me was like, “WRITE”
Today I somehow found that courage to do so.
And here we are…
Through my walk with Christ, I’ve accepted that some of us are meant to be lenders and not borrowers, some of us are gardeners while others simply reap the harvest.
And that’s fine. I get it. I receive it and I’m thankful that God has blessed me to be in a position to do so.
So, for some reason my finances have been attacked back-to-back, to the point where the banker I spoke with was like, “WOW”
“Who would do this?”
First, it was six thousand dollars missing from my account.
Secondly, it was forty-four hundred dollars missing.
Then, my card was frozen for suspicious activity.
And a whole bunch of other unfortunate situations.
I have had five new cards in the last two months.
Talk about STRESSED AND VERY VERY VERY FRUSTRATED.
I cried the other day in my kitchen to the point where I fell to my knees and wept for a good hour until my head was banging so loud I had no choice but to pull it together and call someone to talk me out of what I was contemplating on doing.
And on top of that, emails are still coming in, readers are asking questions about old ass books, my authors were in my inbox…I panicked.
I literally panicked and I said, “No more” I couldn’t be THAT person for everyone else anymore because who was IT for me?
People can talk to you every day and not have the slightest clue that you’re dying on the inside.
And that hurts.
But guess what? I’m still here.
That was arguably one of the hardest nights I’ve been through in a very long time and although, I lost two authors from being “human” I’m grateful for the eye-opener.
What did that night teach me?
…The night where I almost let the devil win.
It taught me that life has no limits nor can you control what may come your way.
I didn’t know that I would have yet another attack on my finances, two days before my boyfriend’s birthday.
I couldn’t access my savings, retirement or anything.
The bank was apologetic and all I could do is cry into the phone wondering why this kept happening to me and then I went to the bank and they tell me my signatures don’t match so they couldn’t give me my money… if only yall knew what I’ve been going through.
No one could help though.
And I’ve helped plenty.
I was stressed beyond measure and in that moment, all I could do was pray.
I prayed the whole night.
I cleaned my house, lit a candle, burned sage and spent all my time with God.
The one person I knew I could count on to bring me through.
The next morning, the money had been returned to my card and all I could do was THANK JESUS.
It was nobody but HIM that made it happen.
We have to get to a point where we don’t let anything stand in the way of being happy.
We have to get to a point where we don’t allow what we can’t control, control us.
I don’t do well with conflict, I’m not really interested in taking other’s people advice…it’s not my thing.
I’m sure I need to work on this one day but for the most part, words go over my head.
And I had to tell myself that there are some genuine people out there and the retreat showed me to be more open to hearing from people. That’s one thing I definitely learned along with…
I want to challenge you to tune into you and God.
Now what if I would have let that one moment cause me to do something stupid like take my life, my mom would be broken hearted right now.
That night I removed the limitations that I had placed on myself, mentally, spiritually, emotionally and even physically since I am now on a lifestyle change to eat better and process my thoughts without getting so frustrated and overwhelmed.
I’m on a path to clear my mind and think better, because this has to be the year of excellence.
And I am living without any limits.
For a while I was disappointed in self, not because I wasn’t making moves or grinding hard but because everything I wanted to do I wasn’t doing with confidence.
I’ll do it but not with all of me.
I’ll make it happen but still wouldn’t be proud of myself.
It wasn’t until I returned from the MTY Retreat did I realize that I had to seriously start living life without any limits.
I’m young, I’m ambitious, I’m driven, I’m full of ideas and dreams, so I gotta remove the limits off my mind and my hustle and go full throttle.
And you do too.
We have to be better.
This is the year where we will accomplish our goals and be the best version of self that we can.
I pray that I’ve encouraged you to continue to let that one thing or maybe it’s a bunch of things hold you back from being who God has called you to be.
I pray that you will no longer live in fear but operate in faith.
I pray that you will walk with your head held high.
Living life with no limits…starts NOW.