I wrote this for myself, but if you get something out of it, that’ll be fantastic. When writing is therapy….
So, the name of this stamp is “Price Tags” and I came up with this title after I listened with intent to Sarah Jakes Roberts, who is my spiritual life advisor in my head latest podcast, The Price of Admission.
The podcast truly blessed my life.
I’m sure I’ll listen again and again before the week is over.
The price just went up.
After I saw a post on Facebook that read, “Sis, you are expensive. It costs to be in your presence and you are worth the price of the ticket”
I felt that deep down in my spirit.
When you know your worth you have to add a price on your peace and your sanity. I truly miss the days when I wasn’t so attached to social media and to a certain extent I’m not on there nearly as much as I used to be. But the way my business and brand is set up, shorty gotta be present to push my products and collect my coins.
However, I’m in a great place where the majority of my readers are on Facebook and I can access them through multiple mailing list.
So I tend to vacate from other social media outlets such as IG and SC, and also Twitter. And you know, I’ma keep it 100 with yall, a lot of things that people post I can’t really relate too, however, I was forced to double back to a video that SJR posted a while back and watch it again because I could relate…now.
In present time I was able to closely connect with what she was preaching.
And for me right now, I can’t be on social media.
I won’t be on there.
Yeah, you’ll see me posting on FB often because that’s where 90% of my readers are so I’m where my coins at but IG and SC, it’s hit or miss for me.
About nine days ago my friend randomly called me saying me and her should have planned to meet up for one day in Birmingham for a girls day because we both just needed a break. And I was like yeah girl that will be so dope we could have did dinner and drinks and all of that and then before I knew it I was clenching my steering wheel, boo hoo crying.
In all honesty I can’t tell you the last time I was really that open and vulnerable with someone other than God. And my friend was so surprised because she had no clue and I don’t know, it felt good to get that out. I told her that I had been missing my college days and missing her and the whole vibe of being around my girls. And I admitted that I felt extremely alone right now.
I’m here to let you know that no one is perfect and sometimes on the outside looking in, everything may seem perfect but it isn’t.
I’ll be honest with you today.
The price went up once I realized that I’m different.
And everyone can’t connect with me.
I have to be mindful of who I let around me, in my presence, who I answer the phone for, help, pour into, and allow full access to me.
I made a decision to limit my time on social media because I found myself envious of what I was seeing.
And I have never in my life been a hater but lately I just was idk feeling weary on social media.
In this season, I have never felt so alone in my life.
Ive cried to my mom about it, and my boyfriend as well and of course, they don’t really understand, because who cries about not having people in your life but the way my days are set up right now, it hurts.
And when you literally think about work 24/7 and all you do is work, on the weekends you want to brunch and go to a lounge or something fun.
What hurts even more to me is that people consider me their friend, like a lot of people will tell you, “Oh Nako is my friend” but I’m never invited anywhere. LMAO. Seriously!
I love entertaining and last year I was hosting a girls night in at my house, if not every month they were definitely frequent.
I would go all out, planning a menu, decorations, things for us to do and even take away gifts. I would literally stress myself out about the girls night in.
The last one I had was in August and I told myself that I would have another one for Christmas and then I scheduled one for just a few weeks ago...and decided to cancel at the last minute.
Over fifteen girls would attend my girls night in but I’ve only seen maybe one or two of them since the last girls night in.
How do you think that makes me feel? Like seriously.
I don’t plan on having another one no time soon.
My mom told me that I’m getting older and it’s more about quality over quantity which I totally agree but when you’re scrolling social media and seeing people link up for club outings, concerts, trips, weekend getaways and even a movie night in, you wonder what is it about you ?
I ask myself all of the time what is it about me that’s wrong?
And this isn’t a pity stamp, not at all.
It’s my hopes to encourage you to stay focused.
Sometimes we have to isolate to elevate and then on other occasions, everyone can’t be connected to you.
The price went up.
Sarah Jakes Roberts preached that God knows what He’s doing and we have to be more specific in prayer.
And I don’t see anything wrong with me praying for friends. Lol.
Like-minded individuals, more people around me that’s on the same wave as me.
People that I can pour into and they pour into me.
And I love the people that are in my life, I’m truly grateful for them.
But there is still something in me that desires a close group of friends that I can grow with, pray with, encourage, motivate all of that.
I know that they are out there somewhere in the universe.
Being lonely isn’t a good feeling and it can lead to depression, for real.
I cried so hard at church last week because only God knows how I’ve been feeling lately.
Clinging to my boyfriend and my mom more because on some days I feel like they’re all I have.
People have their own shit that they’re dealing with, I realized that yesterday while riding with my friend.
We all are individually dealing with the stressors of life and we can’t expect people to be everything for us because they need to be everything for themselves.
It’s a price tag on my worth.
A price tag on my time and my peace.
And I’m in constant prayer that God will take this void out of my heart and fill it with something, even if it’s a new hobby or an organization to join.
I could possibly be the only person who feels this way.
I could be the only chick who wants a group of boss ass friends, and if I am that’s cool girl.
Lol. I love to see women linking up and spreading black girl magic all over the place.
But if you are reading this and you know that in the back of your head you wake up some days like damn I wish I could jet to Miami for two days and have the time of my life.
Or on a Saturday morning you want to shop and grab some brunch, and sip mimosas all day till the place close.
Or you want to dress up and dance all night.
Or catch a Monday night prayer service and cry out to God. Or, even start a business together.
I’m talking about you.
I’m talking to the girl that is already aware of her worth.
That’s dealt with hurt from friendships.
That’s given too much and rarely get it back.
Girl I’m talking to you.
The one that knows they have so much to offer the world but sometimes need a good pep talk to keep going on the days where they feel weary.
This is for you.
God is preparing tables and tribes for us.
God knows what we want, He knows the desires of our hearts.
Don’t alter your price.
Don’t switch up the tags.
Everyone is not for you and you are not for everybody.
While He’s getting things together for you, stay focused, love yourself, nurture the relations that you already have because, maybe just maybe… you have people in your circle already that are waiting on you to start inviting them places.
Or are waiting on you to initiate the connection.
Put it in the universe.
I plan on doing this soon.
Reconnecting and re-establishing friendships that wavered without any explanation.
Because sometimes shit goes left and we never really know why.
Don’t change who you are for others.
Stay true to you and the people that God has for you will meet you where you are.
And they will love and celebrate you.
I pray that this has encouraged you.