BROKEN CLOCKS (When Trusting The Process Is Probably The Hardest Thing To Do)
First let me say that GOD IS GOOD AND ALL THE TIME GOD IS GOOD! Things could be so much worse for us all but it is not! I stand firmly on that in every season, good or bad.
This has been on my mind for the past few days to pen and I couldn’t find the time to sit down and gather my thoughts. Or maybe, I wasn’t mentally in a place that I was prepared to actually gather my thoughts…not sure.
However, I will know once I’m done.
It’s been a minute since I wrote a passport stamp, I dropped a podcast a few weeks ago called Trust The Process and that was pure therapy and the feedback was great which made me feel better.
I’m always nervous whenever I’m sharing that intimate part of me, simply because I’ve spent the majority of my life being guarded. I don’t like being read, I don’t do well with showing that hurt.
Currently, I’m finishing up yet another book, lining up my releases as much as I can before life gets busy, well, it already is.
My boyfriend started his own business but it seems as I’m running it more so than him and it’s an all-day thing, once we bring more people on I’ll be able to have my time and day back. I’m so happy for him, entrepreneurship was something that I had been praying about for a very long time. I wanted him to know and fully understand that he could do anything he put his mind too and thankfully, his trucking company is now his baby so God is GOOD!
On top of going into business with my boo, I’ve been drinking more water (YAYYY GO NAKO) I’m still trying churches out trying to find a home that I can grow in and be active in ministry. I’ve been doing better with accepting invitations and going out more. My time is limited on social media and I love it because it causes you to spend time with yourself.
I read something the other day in this article that said once we get to a place where we post on social media because we’re happy vs. looking for a validation than we’ve reached a place of contentment and I was like WOW.
June is here. And it came way too fast. Literally, I felt like it was just yesterday that me and my boyfriend were sitting at the table writing down our second quarter goals and now the last month of the 2nd Quarter is here.
What did you accomplish? What did I accomplish?
This morning at breakfast with my friend I told her that I’m not in a place where I feel like “OMG this year is horrible” no, I don’t feel that way.
I do feel as if this year is moving in SLOW MOTION and I’m so anxious for something to get started.
Sza’s song, Broken Clocks is a classic to me and lately as I meditate and work through my ever-ending to-do lists I continue to tell myself to trust the process and please note, that’s not easy to do. At all.
If you’re anxious like I am, if you feel the need to have a void filled, if you are eager to move, shift and go in a new direction then you know exactly how I feel.
I admitted to my parents the other day that I make impulsive decisions. I have a bad habit of not thinking things through because I’m always so thirsty for something new.
In order for me to feel like I’m not being lazy or working hard, things have to keep going afloat.
I’ll be back in therapy soon so hopefully this is one of the first things that we tackle because lord knows I need help.
We have to trust the process.
It’s easier said than done, trust me I know.
I’m so ready to move, so ready to accept a few changes in my life that has happened over the past four months…ready to really let it go and move forward.
It took a lot out of me to admit that I harbor.
It’s amazing to me how when we ask God for a sign, a wonder…or a shift…that it happens and sometimes that’s from people as well.
And then we’re left alone and wondering why does it feel the way it does.
I’ve learned so much this year…things that I wasn’t even expecting or prepared to learn and still I’m in awe of how it happened and wondering, low-key the WHY.
BROKEN CLOCKS (When Trusting The Process Is Probably The Hardest Thing To Do)
So originally, I wanted to title this stamp, In The Wilderness because that’s exactly how I’ve been feeling. My next self-help book deals closely with this subject. How to deal with your feelings and get through the jungle while still having to work and live.
Trusting the process requires faith. And faith is what we can’t see but believe is coming. And what will come to pass.
Being weary in well doing is almost like a sin and I struggle bad with wanting more and not being able to be comfortable in the season that I’m in. This is something that I seriously plan on working on for the month of June.
My daddy asked me last night, “Why the rush? What’s so important about you turning 25, you’re doing so well already” and instantly, I rolled my eyes knowing that he wouldn’t have a clue on how I’m feeling. He couldn’t relate.
In this generation, more and more millennials are striving for success…for excellence.
I’ve been doing this for 4 years and yet, I’m not satisfied. I don’t connect this to being greedy, more so, not settling in the place that I’m in.
It’s important to me to achieve those goals that I’ve set in place.
The Passport podcast was something I had been working on since 2016 – it’s finally out and doing well.
I had been wanting to explore other options in my career other than writing books so I applied to film school and got in – goal achieved.
Lord knows how empty I’ve felt since dropping out of school, I wasn’t really concerned with the degree it was the thought of not completing something that I finished – almost three years later, I re-enrolled in school and start in August.
Trusting The PROCESS.
Trusting the PROCESS – when you’re unsure of the deadline.
Trusting the process and not knowing how long you have to actually trust the process is hard.
I wasn’t expecting to return to college, wasn’t expecting to get in film school, wasn’t expecting for a lot of things to happen that has already happened this year…but guess what it did and it’s important that we understand and know that everything happens for a reason.
Here are a few things that I’m learning about trusting the process and being comfortable where you are.
1. Remove Expectations and LIVE – These past few weeks I have literally stressed myself out so bad about moving that I haven’t been sleeping. Rarely eating or doing anything outside of doing home searches. I realized that I had neglected everything including myself simply because I was so concerned with trying to move. This is the first week of my, “removing expectations and live” thing that I’m trying and I promised myself to chill out and let God handle the rest.
2. Forgive Yourself – If you’re needing closure from a situation, Get it. Talk it out. Be honest. And then pray. God will give you peace and eventually you will be able to go on with your day, I promise!
3. GOD ONLY – One thing that I had to admit about myself was that I could never make a decision on my own. I recently was under contract for what I’ll probably call my ‘dream home’ and pulled the contract because I had asked for a million and one opinions instead of doing what I wanted to do. Everybody else mattered to me versus what I wanted. It was my house, I would be the one living in it. It’s something that I seriously regret to this day and this was only two weeks ago. However, my mama keeps telling me that everything happens for a reason and if the house was supposed to be mine then it would have been. I was super frustrated for quite some time but I now know that going forward I’m only going to God and God alone in relations to making any important decisions. I’ve also learned while trusting my process is that sometimes it’s better left unsaid.
4. Alignment – Does it align with your goals? Does it connect to my purpose? Am I benefiting in any way? Will this make me some money? Recently, I made a decision to shut down my publishing company. It was tiring me, overwhelming and overall I found no joy. I was also spending money that I wasn’t seeing back and found myself begging the authors signed to me to do simple tasks such as promote the book that they wrote. This isn’t what I wanted to spend my mornings doing and that’s when I realized that I never sought God about it. Did I pray about becoming a publisher? I don’t think I did. Going forward, for the remainder of the year EVERYTHING I do must align with my purpose, my passion, my goals…and not just career-wise but in every aspect of my life. So much has to change in order for me to be where I want to be because time is of the essence.
Trusting the process in this season is something I challenge you whose reading this to seriously consider. Let God do things in His timing. Be grateful for that waiting period, which is easier said than done. I promise you I know. I want to challenge you to be patient, to listen more, to hear, to seek His face. I want to inspire you to get new habits and to rid yourself of negative thinking and people that don’t mean you any good. Evaluate your circle, evaluate yourself. Record your goals. Revisit what it is that you want out of this year. What are you expecting from 2018? This is what I asked myself. I want to be advancing in my career, screenwriting, losing weight and adopting healthier habits, I know that I have a niche for helping authors but maybe that’s not necessarily publishing…not sure yet.
I’m still praying for that house but if it doesn’t happen this month or the next, I’m going to be okay. I believe that God wants me to work on some other things first and that what’s I’m going to do.
Forgive yourself, love yourself more. Tell yourself that you’re sorry.
And embrace the possibilities that are on the way.
I pray that UNEXPECTED blessings and miracles meet you where you are in the month of June.
Sidebar: This is my last Passport stamp for a while as I too continue to trust my process. Praying peace and blessings to everyone whose reading this.