Tu Es Digne ( You Are Worthy)
I went to Paris. What was initially supposed to be an, “I need to clear my head” trip that I randomly booked at 2 in the morning ended up being a mommy-daughter vacation for seven beautiful days with one of my good girlfriends, her mother and mine. Paris seriously placed a lot of things into perspective for me. I’ve always traveled but to PARIS…my nigga, I went to Paris and did everything. It was amazing. During my stay, we had trouble sleeping due to the shifting of time so we were up and out till like 4-5 in the morning, talking celebrating and enjoying life. I feel like collectively we did a lot of soul-searching in Paris and it was needed. A lot of meditating. A lot of self-reflecting. I love people that find peace in their silence and there were many rides back to our condo in silence. It was welcomed.
For the most part 2018 was good to me. In every area of my life I did what I wanted to do. What I needed to do. Accomplishing my goals has never been a struggle for me. I almost wished that it was but I’m a driven person when I want to get something done, I’m going to make it happen. Period.
But on a personal level, 2018 had me on an emotional roller coaster. Distance took place between me and two of the closest people to me. I put the blame on no one because life happens.
Towards the end of the year I stepped out on faith and decided that it was time to close the chapter on an almost 8 year on and off again relationship. ON for what would’ve been year three this month. I woke up one morning and was like…”Yeah, I can’t do this anymore.” And although, I was pretty confident of my decision at the time it wasn’t until a few weeks had passed and I realized that I broke up with my best friend and he wasn’t coming back.
Tu Es Digne
Still very unsure of where I saw this written in Paris but I know I saw it.
I plan on getting it tattooed soon which says a lot because I haven’t had a tattoo in YEARS. I got all of mine at one time during a very wild and troubled part of my life.
Tu Es Digne
Whew. So it’s been a while since I wrote a stamp for The Passport. The last one dropped in August and I want to say that it’s because they take so much out of me. To be so transparent with people who I don’t know whose reading. Some people reach out, others don’t, which is why I always make the disclaimer that the stamp isn’t written for you but for me. And this one right here…was needed…for me. I need to get it out and move forward. We’ve embarked on a New Year and a lot of people didn’t make it. But I did and I’m grateful.
Regardless of how spiraled my emotions are right now. A nigga is still standing and I’m thankful for that. Things could be worse. I’m blessed and I’m in my right mind. That alone forced me to sit down and write.
After recording my 2019 goals and doing some reflecting in my journal, I was left feeling quite pumped up about this New Year. However, I’m still human and the past is still heavily lingering on my mind.
Choices that I made. People that stayed in my life far past the expiration date. Answered prayers. Bad decisions. Good ideas. Books. Movies. Songs. Packed clothes. New furniture. Fresh coats of paint. Burning candles. Exotic memories. Weak intentions. You know a lot of shit is on my mind.
I’m not having trouble sleeping but I’m damn sure tossing and turning and it’s crazy because I feel at peace. You know I’m at peace with where I am, who I am and YET, I’m more determined than ever to go as far as I can. To break new records. To smash my goals. To love myself more this year. To reconnect to my purpose and discover new things about me that I didn’t know.
I’m back in therapy and also have finally found the church I’ve been looking for has helped a lot. Thank God.
Tu Es Digne
To you that’s reading this, may I encourage you?
Business is still business and if you support me. Thank you. My next work will be my best work because for some odd and beautiful reason, I my dear, am broken. But trust me when I say it’s not for long.
We bend but we don’t really break and I…am not in pieces. Slightly shattered not tattered. I’m still smiling.
I want to encourage you the reader, to know that you’re worthy. We’re flawed yet we’re still worthy. We’re amazing human beings, dawg… have you ever looked in the mirror and was just like…BUT GOD.
Not many of us look like what we been through and that’s a blessing.
I believe that life sends us these...people and the people lead us to situations and those situations teach us. They show us things. They show us who we are and it’s up to us to take those opportunities and learn from them. They’re called lessons.
We’re worthy of everything that we think we deserve. What we pray about. Hope for. Yearning for. It’s already ours. Power and death lies in the tongue. Control your thoughts and never forget that He who angers you, controls you and in this same breath, I’ll also remind you that in order to move forward you can’t dwell on the past. Trust me this by far is the hardest thing I’ve had to do in the past few months but once you can overpower that little voice in your head…you’ve WON.
We have to get to a place where we don’t harbor. You know, bitterness is like a sin. Don’t be mad at people. Don’t worry about those that forsake you. Be confident. Know your worth and some of us brought the table to the table if you know what I mean.
Tu Es Digne
No matter what life throws at you, don’t you ever stop smiling. Even in the midst of everything that you’re facing. Know that things won’t be like this forever.
What gives me peace is that it’s beauty in our sorrow. I read something that said, “Joy is self-produced happiness”
We gotta picture ourselves past what we’re facing. Every morning I wake up and I tell myself, “I haven’t even touched the surface of what God has for me”
I had a prophet whisper in my ear two Sundays ago that God was going to make it easy this time around. That what I thought was set out to destroy me, wasn’t. It was then that a load was lifted from my shoulders. It was also then that I realized that all I had to do was to remember that I was worthy. That I no longer had to settle for less than I deserved. That what God has for me IS for me. And if things were to magically work out then that’s okay too.
We’re worthy and in this new year I want to challenge you to wear your crown proudly. Don’t suffer. Don’t hide yourself.
Don’t demean who you are.
Accept those compliments.
Suffering doesn’t last always. It’s joy on the other side of that pain.
I’m grateful for every single situation that I’ve found myself in.
Im grateful for the tears that I’ve cried and the ones that I’m still wiping away.
Life is what we make it.
And I choose to make lemonade out of my bitter lemons.